After reading this, you'll miss
the old days before the internet.
Of course, you could say that about the whole damn site, couldn't you?
I want the Weekly News Update:
And in response the millions of requests, we do now have a Frequently Asked Questions page. Go there.
OK, it was about five requests, but they asked VERY NICELY.
Who is Cory!! Strode, the Most Mizzerable Son Of A Bitch On The Planet? Many people have tried to figure that out an all have failed. In fact, hes already driven off two people who worked on this website and is hoping to have as many people be "Former Digital Tyrants" as there have been James Bond movies, since the lazy rat-bastard is learning HTML at the speed of a molasses spill in the dead of a Minnesota January.
Is he a serious writer of supernatural based horror fiction? Is he a wise and witty social commentator? Is he a gifted parodist of current events? Is he a crazed madman attempting to take over the world in a plot so fiendishly clever that he doesnt even understand it half the time? Is he a goofy looking loser who last had a woman interested in him before wed even heard of Dan Quayle?
He is all of these things and more, and he likes writing about himself in the third person, and sometimes the third person plural, as if he were a sports star. Its hard to get to know Cory and for the most part, no one wants to. He does want you all to know that he leaves us messages to put on the site to get to know him better. Sometimes they are worth putting on the site, and sometimes they are just the words:
Scrawled over and over again on bloodstained typing paper in green crayon. Those are the times when we make sure to leave early.
In an effort to really get my life in gear I have begun following Stephen Coveys teachings. One of his directives is to write a personal mission statement. Here is mine.
MY MISSION STATEMENT
I see each day as a random, meaningless endeavor that inevitably concludes in bitter disappointment. I place little value on life experiences, and feel there is little to be learned from them. Therefor I continue to repeat my mistakes to the point of predictability, so as not to surprise people. In my daily endeavors, I avoid risk and responsibility, and actively seek to place blame on others.
I am an irresponsible parent. I give little to no priority to this role. Many times I not only cannot recall my sons birthday, but his name and gender. I consider differences to be a weakness and ridicule those who are not unique, like me. I seek to disrupt my relationships with family, friends, and business associates. To ruin these relationships and insure they are unhealthy, I make daily "withdrawals" in the emotional bank accounts of others. I do not look to expand my knowledge and feel that what I do not know is unimportant and has little to offer. I do not look to expand my circle of friends as they could challenge my irrational belief system. The friends I do have, I attempt to alienate and drive away so that I can curse them for leaving me alone, furthering my irrational thought patterns.
In my profession, I have little concern with results. I act with cowardice and duplicity, ending in the violation of expectations. I believe in achieving visibility through inappropriate behavior. In planning my weeks and days, I focus on my alcohol consumption, and how I can maintain a constant state of inebriation. When I do not focus on my alcohol consumption, I try to figure out how to make everyone else around me as mizzerable as myself, with grand and spectacular results.
In the future, I will attempt to do everything in my power to live up to these goals. I promise this to my family, my friends and my associates.
Now fuck off and leave me the hell alone.
Copyright © 2003 Solitaire Rose Productions. Now, bugger off.
If Cory paid us more we'd be nicer to him.
Wait. No we wouldn't. Why do you think his e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org?