This would have
been called rants when it started, but wasn't because Dennis
Miller was using the name.
Now it's not because Dennis Miller is too busy getting stains on a blue dress for George W. Bush to be funny anymore.
I want the Weekly News Update mailed to me!
|And you thought you could work up a good head of steam, Cory!! can get mad just sitting down and looking deep into his soul. Not to mention his past.|
The Current Droning: The Passion of Mel Gibson's Big Box Office
Everyone has opinions, but on this site, the only ones that matter are Cory's. Why? He pays for the damn thing, so sit down, pallie, and have a nice, tall glass of Shut Up Juice. Buy your own site and you can spout off too. That's the great thing about the internet. That, and the fact that you can donwload all the sick, twisted fanfiction about Star Trek characters your little heart desires.
Dronings is a column Cory!! began back in college (in the antediluvian era) where he would spout off about anything that settled into the deep recesses of his twisted mind. It can be a complaint about politics, a review of a movie or TV show, it might just be a long rant about something that pisses him off. In fact, he gave us a list of things that piss him off, and we've decided only to put the first page on the site for propriaty's sake.
"I am pissed off by top 40 radio, rap music, network TV, Dick Clark TV shows, cheese in a plastic tube, the people who feel it is their civic duty to gain a lot of weight and walk down the middle of the sidewalk slowly when I am in a hurry, teenage boy singing groups, teenage boys, teenage girl singing groups, and if you think I don't like teenage girls, you've lost your mind, people who don't realize that I have to get off the damn elevator before they can get on, Danielle Steele novels that "Everyone Reads" since I am not everyone, novels by dead authors like V. C. Andrews who has more novels published since she died than before, the phrase "Know what I'm sayin," Central Illinois, Central America, Centrals of all kinds, anyone who doesn't laugh at Pat Robertson, bad dubbing in Jackie Chan movies, banana flavored taffy that really just tastes like goo, anyone paying attention to Andy Warhol's art, anyone living within 1000 yards of me, maple flavored syrup instead of maple syrup, people who make a living working on commission, the color orange, Def Comedy Jam comedians who think that if you yell the bad joke it will be funny, oldies being called Classic Rock, Morning Zoos, local news, the Baldwins...all of them, carob being pitched as chocolate, diet anything, cheap booze, American beer, foreign beer that isn't Guinness, women who "just want to be friends" when it means they need me as their emotional tampon but when their life is good they ignore me as I have leprocy, ten lords a leaping, and YOU! "
So, these are Cory's Dronings, essays in the grand tradition of Dorothy Parker's book and play reviews, Harlan Ellison's various columns, and the drunken ramblings of the guy who always seems to sit next to him at the bar and tell him everything that's going wrong in his life when Cory would rather just get hammered and think about how he'd like to have the courage to talk to the Goth-y looking chick at the table across the bar.
The 2003 Giftmas message: In which Cory tries to warm the cockles of your heart with a lovely Giftmas message. OK, don't hold your breath on that one.
Thoughts on the new Gulf War: In which Cory puts his thoughts down about a war that was sold to us as if it were a new Pontiac, but doesn't run quite as well as a Yugo.
Joe Millionaire, Cultural Touchpoint or Crap TV Show?: In which Cory kicks a show when it's down, even though the ratings were up.
Not A Lott In His Pin Head: In which Cory!! points out that Trent Lott is a racist dirtball, which doesn't surprise anyone.
Iraq II: The Wrath of Old White Guys!: In which Cory!! wonders why we are having a sequel to a war with the war we are still fighting is already being ignored
9/11, One Year Later: Written for a CD-Rom zine that still isn't out yet. Lazy bastards.
What DID Bush know?: In which Cory!! looks at the revelations the Bush may have been given information about terrorism before 9/11...and why it really doesn't matter.
6 Months Later: In which Cory!! looks at how we haven't changed since 9/11
The New Political Correctness: In which Cory!! asks if you love your country or just hate everyone else.
Drugs are Bad, MmmmmK?: In which Cory!! wonders if drugs ARE the for of terrorism that the White House is spending tax money to tell us they are.
Choosing Between Evils: In which Cory!! talks about how we decide what is Evil and what is merely annoying.
Thoughts on the tragedy of 9/11/2001
Thoughts on the morning of the McVeigh execution. In which Cory discusses tailgating at the gates of death and justice confused.
Is the fact that big oil is bending us over at the gas pump their fault or ours?: In which Cory!! explains why gas prices are so high and nothing will be done about it. And why it's your fault.
Will We Ever Get To Say Goodbye To Bill Clinton?: In which Cory!! finds that it's hard to say goodbye to our now former President.
Napster, or Does Puff Daddy Need Bail Money when he has his hand on Jennifer Lopez's ass all the time?: In which Cory!! discusses how the record companies don't understand that we want our Computer Music.
Our "President": In which Cory discusses His Fraudulence George W. Bush and how he fails to restore honor to anything.
Election Prediction from the Night Before We Voted: He got it right, excpet for all the interesting stuff. Yeah, and Bush won. Big deal.
The Presidential Election: In which our hero plays political pundit and maganges not to be as boring as the talking heads who infest TV on Sunday mornings.
The Elian Shuffle: In which our hero jumps on the Elian bandwagon and finds no room at the inn.
The Plight of the Well-Off, Oppressed Christian Majority : In which Cory decides that you have to oppressed to complain about being oppressed.
Art and Complaints - Cory talks about the art controversy in New York, and why these things don't matter.
Bus Rides - Cory has to put up with people who yammer on public transportation.
Jury Duty - Cory has to pass Judgement. OK, he's ASKED to pass judgement. Usually he does so without asking.
Pets O' the Net - Cory gets ready to put the smack down on web sites for pets.
The Root Causes - Cory spouts off about the Columbine shooting.
Opinions - Cory's definately got one.
The Clinton Scandal - Long, boring, and pointless, just like the real thing.
Jesse Ventura - This is one of the earliest dronings we could find. Except for the one on Princess Di, but we figure most of the women Cory is after don't know who that is anymore.
Copyright © 2004 Solitaire Rose Productions. So there.
Should we get rid of the old ones? Of course not, people need to see that Cory was a grumpy old bastards even when he WAS getting laid.