Frequently Asked Questions

As the vast Solitaire Rose Production empire grows and more and more people discover the magnificence of all of the Solitaire Rose Products (The Weekly News Update, Dronings, the fiction products, the upcoming action figure line, the overthrow of the status quo, Lousy Rat-Bastard cologne, our frozen "Bowl of cereal" breakfast line, and stalker tips) I get a lot of questions.

So, I looked at some websites that don’t have redheads on them for tips on how to handle it. It was hard for me at first, since they had things I don’t like dealing with, like words or information. I go on the net for girly pictures and theories about the Bavarian Illuminanti taking over the world by making those magnetic strips in our money emit mind controlling radio waves. But I noticed that they have these weird things called FAQs or Frequently Asked Questions. I’m asked a lot of questions, so I’m gonna list them here:

• Who the hell do you think you are?
• What are you drinking?
• Do you have a privacy policy?
• Are you selling anything?
• Can I help you?
• Am I as stupid as I look?
• Who ate all the Doritos?
• Where are my car keys?
• Did you think that was funny?
• Did you bring enough to share?
• Did you see Party Of Five last night?
• Cory!!, how can you be so fucking funny?
• What’s the deal with the redheads?
• Do you know the code for Nude Raider?
• Who is this?
• Do you want fries with that?
• Do I know you from somewhere?
• Can I kiss you?
• Do you have Pokemon?
• Will you go out with me?
• Why not?
• Is this the bus that takes me home?
• Is that for me?
• Charles Nelson Reiley, a God or just damn good?
• What about Bob?
• Who's stronger The Hulk or The Thing?
• Y'know what I mean?
• Is that your final answer?
• Why me Lord?
• Why do winos only drink the cheap stuff, shouldn’t they be wine experts since they drink so much of it?
• Why ask why?
• Why are we here?
• Are we there yet?
• Who’s the man?
• You got a problem with that?
• What the hell are you looking at?
• What time is it?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
• Can you smell what the Rock is cookin’?
• How much does it pay?
• Are you gonna eat that?
• What are those dogs doing?
• The bees are on the what now?
• Do you want me to put you through a table?
• Who framed Roger Rabbit?
• Where the heck is Wall Drug?
• Who is this issue’s mystery villain?
• Is Ms. Mystic #10 out yet?
• If I have a thought and my wife doesn’t know about it, am I still wrong?
• What is the meaning of life?
• If you were my alarm clock, how would you wake me up?
• What is Molly Ringwald’s natural hair color?
• Which female comic book character has the biggest chest?
• What is Hulk Hogan’s real name?
• How old is Professor X?
• Where do babies come from?
• Can you find me a truck that has front wheel drive, smells like cheese, and seats 35?
• Who are you, again?
• Why?
• Ding Dongs or Ho-Hos?
• What, me worry?

All of these questions have the same answer.

I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about.

Thank you.

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