8/12/2000
I am amazed and happy at the response the cam has gotten. Here it's only been a few days, and already people are saying that it is a massive rip-off, that other webcams do it much better and that my site looks like shit. This shows that people do not understand or appreciate my art. I am an artist. Living, breathing, drinking, and toasted cheese eating art, and for those who don't understand, I pity you. Much as I pity people who only have basic cable or drink American beer.
Let's see, since the cam started up, I have gotten letters from two people who say that they are just like me from viewing the cam. I think it's great that so many people passed out drunk on the floor see me as their internet spokesman. And I will never take that responsibility lightly. I know that America has a big problem with politicians, athletes, actors and mimes getting into trouble with the law, being involved in scandal, generally making this fine country look like it is filled with loser and felons. I do hereby vow that if you take me as your role model, I will never EVER let you down. I will always remain a sullen drunk hurling invective at those who annoy me. And there will always be those who annoy me. Count on it!
I have also gotten people who would like to know some of the technical aspects of CoryCam and the whole Solitaire Rose Empire. I call these people nosy bastards who need to find something to do with their time. However, in a blatant attempt to win over a fickle public who might quit looking at my site once they realize I don't have any women willing to bare their chests or nether regions to try and perk up sagging site traffic, I might as well give some of the tech details.
The site is created on a Gateway 500 MHz computer with a 10 gig hard drive, which is trying to get better gigs over the next week. The whole Puppet show thing may have been a gig, but not a good one, and we won't be doing it again. The systems bus leaves at 5:55 a.m., 6:20 a.m., 6:32 a.m., 6:49 a.m. and 7:03 a.m. The webcam was is a...hold on...let me find the box...dammit, one of my filthy assistants seems to have thrown it out...hold on while I get my baseball bat and show them the errors of their ways. Meanwhile, the webcam is...white with a big odd-looking lens that makes me nervous to look directly into it. It seems like it is looking at me all the time, judging me, telling me how it is disappointed in me and how my life has gone over the last year and a half. Damn you! Stop Mocking Me! I know you want to push me out the damn pod bay doors, but you'll never get the chance! NEVER!! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
For those of you interested in the design of my site, I would like to direct you to the person who did it, but to be honest, I have no idea who threw the damn thing together. I do remember waking up one morning and being told that my website had gotten it's first hit at some point a year or so ago, but since the person who told me that has since decided that their calling in life is to drop acid and look for the deeper meaning in old Deputy Dawg cartoons, I think it best that I simply remember them as they were. Someone who said that they were my friend while they clean out my fridge and bank account.
Which you need to replenish by buying a membership.
NOW, DAMN YOUR EYES, BUY THAT MEMBERSHIP NOW!!
Fine, I'm going back to bed.