A Lousy Rat Bastard's Christmas List

I know that many of you are asking yourselves, "Gee, what would Cory want for Christmas.

Some of you have e-mailed me with the question, proving that you are desperately trying to curry my favor. I have no idea why, unless you think that you’ve stumbled onto the website of someone who gives a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut about you.

Some of you have asked the question when awaking from a fevered dream of Cory's spirit animal (a steam engine locomotive...I know, but how do YOU know? You're in the middle of a fevered dream, remember?).

Some of you owe me things: money, dinner, money, a decent shag, money, your immortal soul, money or a llama. I know who you are, and trust me, I’ll get what is owed to me somehow.

Therefor, to make your lives much easier as we transition to a recession and an economy worse than both England's and Canada's, I will pass along my list of what I want for Christmas.

• The power to decide who lives and dies . (thank you Tom Servo for opening my eyes to that wonderful gift)
• A perfect 10 on www.amihotornot.com .
• The number 23.
• Plane tickets to Sandy Eggo or somewhere close to Sandy Eggo.
• A sequel to Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8^th Dimension.
• A Buddy Christ that will float across the water.
• A perfect 10 on www.amigothornot.com .
• Parker Posey, red hair dye, a hell of a lot of vinyl and cherry pie filling.
• What you bastards owe me. With interest. With blood and/or pain.
• Never again to hear the words "Chad", "Florida", or "Who Let The Dogs Out."

Also, my inner Beavis and Butthead would like to thank all of you who made the fact that our President and Vice President can be referred to Bush and Dick. I’m sure that 5^th graders all over America are ready to whip THAT one out in class.

Back to the main page