All contests must have a winner, and even though all of your entries were firmly committed to sucking, I did finally pick one. At first, I thought I would have someone unconnected with the website look over the list and pick the funniest one. They said that none of them were funny and making them look at my site was a violation of the Geneva convention.
I then asked my imaginary girl friend to pick, but she's been giving me the silent treatment since the whole "Winnie-The-Pooh" incident.
Parker Posey once again ignored my pleas for help, but her lawyer said that not only does she not give a rat's ass about me, but he was damn sure that no one gave a rat's ass about me.
So, to decide, I got good and stinking drunk. OK, getting good and stinking drunk had nothing to do with deciding, but it was a day ending in a "Y" so I see that as a good excuse to get drunk. Then, I picked the only one that didn't make me want to throw up.
The Winner Is:
Sure, it's goth. It has to be. Of course it is. Well, it could be...maybe...if you squint and look away.
Since it was submitted by one of my co-workers who doesn't have access to the internet, I won't give his name, but he was darn happy with the Howard the Duck movie stickers, broken pencils, Guinness bottle caps and fossilized butterscotch disks.
People Who Should Have Done Better
or as I like to call them:
Does anyone feel like singing showtunes right about now?
You guys were supposed to bring crappy gifts to hand out, but this is just too nice. I love it.
OK, I've shined it up real nice. Now what do I do with it?
We all told Cory to only water his Chia pet once a week, but did he listen? No! - Jin T. Wicked
Little Suzie Who--? How dare you! - Terrance Griep Jr.
"Wow! I didn't know Sizzler had a vegetarian menu!" - firstname.lastname@example.org
Man, these genital herpes have *really* gotten out of hand." - Lyle Tucker
Hey guys, I just pulled this out of the wallpaper and now I'm going to EAT it!.. waitasecond.. feels kinda drafty.. I think I left my pants in there. - Frisky A. Mittens
..And I'm gonna take all of these, staple them to the ceiling, and when Martha Stewart walks in.. heh heh. - Frisky A. Mittens Who must REALLY want to win.
A big pile of rolled-up toe fungus -- you =remembered=! - Keith R. A. DeCandido
Here Cory shows us the treacherous bangleberry bush he has just captured. - Paul Ewert
If you laid all the Chia pets here end to end... well I wouldn't be surprised. - Paul Ewert
Who says you cant gift wrap a live cat? - Scott Gallatin
My friends bet me I couldn't go for a whole week with just ONE kleenex...wish I hadn't caught this cold, though..." - Filament Who reports iving up a lot of self-respect by entering this contest. Sorry, I have no self-respect, so I can't empathize.
Well, of course it's ugly. What? You think i have taste? Look at this friggin wallpaper! - Curtiss Linderman
Don't agree with my choice? Bugger off. It's my contest. E-mail me if you think my choice is firmly committed to sucking.
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