10 Predictions for the coming year

1) The US will continue to figure out that J. Lo. has no discernable talent, even if the entertainment industry hasn't realized we've figured it out.

2) The Beach Boys will quit touring as a washed up nostalgia act and will put out a brilliant album.

3) Exorcists will be called to the White House and the last 5 years will be blamed on Bush being possessed by the ghost of Richard Nixon. Over half of America will believe it and his approval ratings will shoot back up to over 70% for two weeks.

4) We will suffer through another holiday season of Fox News telling us that Christmas is under seige. This time, however, Donald Rumsfeld will send in troops, mishandle the war planning and it will be the last time we celebrate Christmas.

5) The Ghost of Richard Nixon will continue to hunt for a new host and will end up hanging out at Gameworks wondering where the hell the pinball machines are.

6) The Dance Dance Revolution will fail after being put down by the ruling junta.

7) Wal-Mart will rename itself "Where the fuck else are you going to shop, loser."

8) The Middle Class will officially cease to exist and be replaced by zombies. No one will notice for six months.

9) Next Diet Fad: Dryer lint

10) Anderson Cooper will finally get a first name.